Nnoitra, That's A Kid
by The Unbelievable
Summary: Well, he was just wanting to look for some fun in Hueco Mundo. Maybe know he'll have something to deal with. M for swearing
1. The Thing

**Hi! A new story! A Bleach Story! I know I still have 'The Most Sacred', but this is a different pairing and surprisingly, there aren't very many stories of this pairing. I'll be trying to make it funny. Okay? Okay.**

_**Warnings**_**: out of character Espada and Fraccion…for a few…yaoi, randomness, 1 person POV, and bad humor. Also sexual innuendos. **

_**Summary:**_** While wandering good old ****Hueco Mundo****, he noticed some tiny thing following him no matter where he went. He decided to ignore it, but it continued following him. "What's your goddamn issue with me, brat?!"**

_**Disclaimer: **_**do not own Bleach, only the random characters that I will b bringing in and u should know who they are if u r a true Bleach fan and know all the characters and should be able to tell the difference between real characters and characters I made up for this story.**

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Okay, for everyone tuning in, I will take _precious fucking time_ out of my _precious fucking day_ to explain some things to you before I start ranting on and on about what the hell kind of shit I had to endure and deal with a bitch that did not help me in any fucking way. Not in any fucking Aizen-damn way!

So here it is: Winter War happened. Aizen the New 'Gawd' –enter fake (or real) gag here- won the war and now rules over Hueco Mundo, Soul Society (don't know why he bothered), and the Living World. He did not destroy that annoying Shinigami's home town (I often asked Gawd if I could…he always said no) and everyone is happy and peaceful.

Yeah. Fucking. Right.

For those of you who thinking that 'happy' and 'peaceful' are okay, let me tell you something. I am an Arrancar. I am an Espada. I'm one of the more violent ones. Even the fucking Emo-car (Ulquiorra if you don't know who I'm talking about) can't stand all this! Yes, he does get bored. And when the Cuatro is bored, we all run and hide. Even Barragan. Hell, even Tousen and Aizen run away! Gin just stays put and smiles that creepy smile because he's just that stu-upid. Yes, I did just make 'stupid' two syllables. Got a problem with that?! Wanna fight?!

See, this is what I mean. We're Arrancar. We came from Hollows that got our masks ripped off, gained more power, and have these crazy as hell swords that don't fully turn us back into our full original selves but get pretty damn close. We're natural fighters. If we don't fight, we get bored and hope Aizen's tea will liquefy more than just our kidneys. I mean, seriously. That shit is nasty! I felt my stomach melting because of that shit! And Cuatro always sits and doesn't touch his tea, knowing it will ruin him!

You know, Aizen actually asked him why he doesn't touch his tea and all that little bitch said was "I have a hole in my neck, Aizen-sama. I cannot eat nor drink." Would explain why the hell he's so fucking skinny. But I find the hole in the neck stopping him from eating and drinking bullshit since I do catch him drinking and eating. He covers the hole with his jacket. That's all he does. And get this and try to figure it out because it's creeping me out. The damn jacket stays fucking white.

Anyway, yeah. Arrancars get bored when we do not fight. And with the Shitty-gami staying in Soul Society and us staying in Hueco Mundo and both parties going to the Living World while avoiding each other…you should get it now. No war. No fighting. No battles. Only sitting down and getting drunk and wondering what the hell we're suppose to do for the rest of the day before we go to sleep for no freaking reason.

Okay, so now that we have all that established, you must sit there and try and figure out why all this crazy shit happens to me.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hueco Mundo, the Eternal Desert. Look, a Hollow! Slice, dice, and it's gone. Damn. Stupid, weak, worthless with life Hollows. I get no fun out here. But it's better than Los Nachos- I mean Noches. No, I am not hungry nor am I in denial. What? I'm not. Do you have a problem with me?! Because I will seriously kick your ass if you accuse me of ever lying!

Anyway, this is where the crazy shit starts. I get attacked by about…let me see for a minute…twenty Hollows, five Gillians, and three Adjuchas. That took me ten minutes to cut through and without releasing Santa Teresa. Now there are stains in my clothes, but I don't care, and stains in the sand. Do I care? No, I do not. They're all dead. They're all gone. Do I care? No.

But see, here the thing. There's this little…thing…looking up at me with big kinda brown eyes. His right eye is covered by his black hair that goes to his shoulders, but the exposed eye is watching me. It is fucking watching me. This thing is watching my every move. Do I care?

… I'll give you a minute to figure that question out. …

… …

… …

Yes! I fucking care!

I scoffed and started to walk off. Then I heard little crunches of feet on sand behind me. I stop and look over my shoulder and the thing was there behind me. I kept on going and it kept on following me. I turned left, it turned left. I turned right, it turned right. I stopped and it stopped. I think you get the point. I turned and looked at it and it just looked right back up at me. Must be hurting its neck since I'm so fucking tall and this thing just barely reaches my knees. It is that small.

It stared at me. I slid to the left and the eye followed me. I went right again, the eye followed me again. "What?" I growled at it. Then it smiled. It smiled a smile way too damn bright for any Arrancar…except maybe the fruitcake. He seems to handle bright stuff pretty well. It took me a minute to realize this thing wasn't going to do anything but smile at me. Then it pointed it me. Don't know why, but it did.

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered, then decided I wanna go back to Los Nachos – I mean Noches. I walked right by the thing and all it does is turn and follow me again. Try as I may to ignore it, I eventually got annoyed. More like I got really, really, really, really, really, REALLY annoyed when I reached the doors to Las Nachos (I'm never going back to Noches. Oh well. Nachos sounds better and more like a tourist attraction.) and the thing was still following me.

"What's your goddamn issue with me, brat?!" I yelled at it.

Then it did the unimaginable.

It went wide-eyed then stuck out its bottom lip that started to quiver. Its eyes started to water as it looked up at me pitifully. I just wanted to smack that look off its face. I really and truly did. But somehow, I couldn't. Don't know why, I just couldn't. Water started going down its face as its eyes continued to grow and its lip continued to quiver.

Now this is bad. Anyone could come out here and wonder what the hell I, the Quinta Espada, am doing with a pouting and crying thing. So I did the next best thing besides throwing it as far as I could since it would probably come right on back. I grabbed it by the back of its little white shirt and carried it inside. It stopped pouting and crying at least, but how am I gonna get rid of it.

Thank Gawd no one was in my way on my way to my room. I opened the door and threw the thing in. It looked at me with wide eyes before smiling brightly again. It lit up the whole damn room. "Tesla!" I yelled as loud as I could. I think even Gawd and his boyfriend heard it at the other side of Los Nachos.

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama?" he replied, coming through the door that connected his room to mine. Hey, it's easier to just barge in there when it's five feet away. And it gets him here faster.

"Figure out how to get rid of that damn thing," I ordered, pointing at the tiny creature that looked over to Tesla before running to him and wrapped its arms around his legs. Tesla looked down at it before he smiled. I didn't say 'Smile at it'. I said 'Get rid of it'. And I know how to tell his smiles apart when he actually does smile. That is his 'You're to die for and I won't hurt you' smile. I don't like that smile. It means he's getting attached. Give me my Fraccion back, you Aizen-damn brat!!

"Nnoitra-sama, this is not a 'thing'," Tesla told me, picking it up and holding it on his waist.

"I didn't say 'talk back'," I growled at him. "I said 'Get rid of it'!"

"My apologies, Nnoitra-sama," he said with a bow of his head. Can't bow properly with that thing, can you? "But I was merely saying that this is a child, not a 'thing'."

Does he think I'm stupid? Do I look like that creepy guy, Gin? "I don't care what it is!" I snapped at him. "That damn thing has been following me and I want it gone!"

He blinked at me before looking down at it. Tesla never ignores my orders like this. _**NEVER.**_ So why now? Because of this thing? Shit! He's attached! See, this is why I never gave him anything he could get attached to but me. If he gets attached to something but me, he will disobey.

"May I keep him?" he asked me.

I groaned. That dreaded question and I can't say anything about it once he's truly attached. He must obey my orders, true. But if he doesn't get his way, he can kick Halibel's ass. Probably Stark too, but he would just lay there and take it. I have seen him do that with his own Fraccion. I know better. I know much better. "Just keep the damn thing from me," I told him. He smiled at me and turning and walking back into his room. Or he tried to at least.

The thing started to whimper and whine until Tesla put it down. Then it grabbed his hand before pulling him over to me. Now I'm confused and Tesla's confused. The kid got a frustrated look on his face that reminded me of someone. It pointed at me then Tesla looked up.

"I believe he's mute," Tesla stated.

"Don't care," I told him before dropping onto my bed. The kid pouted again and pulled Tesla over to me again and climbed onto my bed. I shoved him off.

"Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla scolded me. I scoffed.

The thing climbed back onto my bed and I shoved him off again. Tesla scolded me again, only this time hitting my hand. I stared at him with a wide eye. He never had the balls to hit me, except in a spar, but even then he was always hesitant. He's more attached than I thought. It climbed back on but I didn't shove it this time. Then it grabbed Tesla's hand and pulled him over to the bed and made him sit. It pointed at me then at Tesla.

Then something I wished wouldn't happen did.

Gin came into my room.

Gin saw the thing between us.

…

Shit.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**I don't think there was much humor in there, but there will b next chapter. Sorry, but I'm not very good at the whole humor thing. Seriously, I find something funny and then someone else doesn't find it funny. Anyway, plz review and I will update as soon as I possibly can. Okay? Okay. **

**And in case anyone has noticed, yes I read Espada's Guide to Parenting and this is probably kind of similar but not so much.**


	2. Creepy Grin

**How will Gin react? Will he tell Aizen? If he does, how will Aizen react? Read and find out! Now for Senor PWNS U ALL, GIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: only the kid is mine. No one else.**

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Tesla freezes. The thing tilted its head. I blinked. Gin stares. At least, I think he is. His eyes are always closed yet he never walks into anything and seems to know what's going on at all times. Seriously, that's just wrong. About as wrong as letting Tousen wield a sharp, pointy object even though he's blind! Who the hell was thinking at that time?!

Then that creepy grin makes it onto his face as he walks over and places a hand on the thing's head. Unless I want Gawd kicking my ass, I can not touch Gin to throw him the hell out of my room, but I can still yell at him. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Or scream at him. I don't care which.

"Well I wanted to tell you something, but now I forgot," Creepy Grin replied as he ruffled up the hair on Thing's head. (It shall forever be called 'Thing' to me.) "Now who is this cute little guy?"

Why do I suddenly get the image of a pedophile when I look at him now?

I glare at Tesla. He gets it. I know he does. "Nnoitra-sama said the child followed him here," was all he said. That was all. He didn't follow me, he _stalked me!_

"Oh?" Gin said as his grin grew even more creepy. "And here I thought it was the love child between you two that you've been hiding for a few years!"

… … What. The. Fucking. Hell?

"What?!" I yelled at him. Thing smiled brightly again. I fell off the bed from the brightness and Creepy Grin found that hilarious.

"What's your name, little guy?" he cooed. Yes, Gin freaking cooed. Don't ask for you shall never understand. I sure as hell don't and I'm pretty sure Tesla doesn't either, but he doesn't care.

"He's mute," Tesla stated. "So we do not know his name."

Thing pointed at him then at me. Why is it doing that? "It's name is Thing," I said as I got back onto the bed. Thing pouted, but I don't care.

"That is not a true name, Nnoi-kun!" Gin scolded me. Why is everybody scolding me today?

"Don't care," I growled at him. "It's name is Thing."

"_He_ needs a proper name," Tesla growls at me. I blinked at him. Is there something wrong with the world or did I travel to an alternate dimension? "Besides, it sounds like you named him right off of a TV show. And we're not naming him after a TV show character."

Since when was this a 'we' deal? Because Thing kept pointing at me? I knew it was up to something! "You wanted to keep it, so you better not drag me into this because I don't want anything to do with it!" I yelled at him. He glared at me.

Gin is finding this funnier than hell. Then he snatched Thing from between me and Tesla and ran out the room, laughing like the maniac he is.

We both just had this 'WTF?' look on our faces before I glanced at Tesla. "You know, something gives me a bad feeling about this," I told him.

"He'll probably show Aizen-sama," he said in a calm manner like he always does.

I smirked as I thought of a way to get Tesla busy for a while. "Or he'll try to rape him like the pedo-" I did not even finish because he had gone out the door as soon as I said 'rape'. Damn, he really is attached already. Only knew Thing for barely twenty minutes and is already beyond over protective. I scoffed as I laid down, despite feeling restless.

For some reason, the thought of Gin raping Thing just got to me. I do not know why nor understand completely. It just bothered me. Normally, I'm not bothered by this shit since I just let Gawd's creepy little boyfriend do as he pleased and stayed the hell away from him while he hatched his master plans. But this was just bothering me and it was annoying the shit out of me.

So with a harsh sigh, I got out of bed and followed the direction Gin and Tesla went. When I found them, Tesla had Thing behind him and Gin was pouting. I have never seen the guy pout, so this was new. But then Thing spotted me and grinned before running over and hiding behind my legs. Why? I have no clue.

But this annoyed me even more.

Gin squealed. He fucking squealed. Gawd's uke boyfriend squealed like a little yaoi-fan school girl that just saw two of the hottest guys in school having sex under the bleachers by the soccer field. Hey, that was the closest thing I could think of to compare this to and I actually saw that happen while I was in the World of the Living. Yeah, Gin squealed a lot like that girl.

"Eeeee!!!! That's so cute, Nnoi-kun!"

I looked down and glared at Thing for what felt like five minutes. He just looked up at me and smiled before his hands went to Santa Teresa's blade. (I carry Santa Teresa with me everywhere. Rather have it in Los Nachos since you never know what the fuck pops out at the most random of times.) This annoyed me more than the squealing of Creepy Grin.

He jacked it.

He fucking jacked Santa Teresa right out of my hand.

He fucking jacked my Aizen-damn zanpakuto and ran down the fucking hall with it while digging the blade points into the fucking white wall.

Tesla stared. Gin stared (I think). I stared at my now empty hand before down the hall where Thing stood with a cocky grin while holding Santa Teresa above its head. "Give that back right now, you damn brat!" I yelled at it before chasing it. Thing turned tail and ran like the hounds of Hell were after it. I'm not the hounds of Hell, but I sure am angry enough to scare the hounds of Hell away.

Before I turn the corner to follow it though, Tesla yelled. "Shinkan!" Thing stopped before turning around and running right by me and right back to Tesla, still holding my zanpakuto.

I turned to look at him. Okay, I glared at him. He stopped my hunt and ruined my excuse to kill Thing off. Wait…did he name Thing something else besides 'Thing'? Did Thing actually listen to him?

"I thought Shinkan fitted him since it means 'Silence' in Japanese," he explained to Gin, who was nodded with that creepy grin on his face.

"Tesla, you are a little genius and are so thoughtful," he commented before wrapping his arms around MY FRACCION. My FRACCION! Meaning my Tesla!! GET THE FUCK OFF HIM, PEDO!!!!! "You're such a good mommy!"

Okay, this was funny. Tesla just turned bright red. But Thing was nodding its head vigorously. Pointing at Tesla.

Gin cocked his head to the side before his grin grew. "Is Tesla your Mommy?"

Don't answer that. Don't answer that. Don't answer that.

Thing nodded its head. Gin squealed again. "Tesla, you're a Mommy!" he exclaimed so loudly, I would be surprised if the World of the Living didn't hear him. Tesla turned into tomato. "Then is Nnoitra your-" Shit! He better not say it. He better not! "Daddy?"

…

He fucking said it.

Thing nodded again, pointing at me. Shit, Thing has problems. Not only is it mute, but it's also retarded!

"Hell. Fucking. No." I growled out.

"Nnoi-kun!" Creepy Grin playfully scolded. "You and Tesla have been so naughty! Or was it sexual frustration?"

Me and Tesla both froze, but Thing just had to tilted its damn head and draw a question mark in the air.

"Well, little Shinkan, sexual frustration is-" He was cut off by Tesla's fist in his face and my foot to the back of his head. Don't know why, but I didn't want THIS GUY explaining ANYTHING to the brat.

Wait…Oh shit. I just kicked Gawd's boyfriend.

I just kicked Gawd's boyfriend's head.

Oh shit!

Oh shit, we are all going to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or at least, I am.

No one hits Gawd's boyfriend and lives to tell about it.

NO ONE!!!!!

I remember this one Arrancar being dumb enough to slap Creepy Grin's arm and as soon as Aizen found out about it, I never saw that Arrancar again. NEV-FUCKING-ER AGAIN!!!!!

Gin looked up at me and just grinned. "That hurt Nnoi-kun and Tesla-chan," he said, rubbing his head and nose at the same time.

Don't tell Aizen. Don't tell Aizen. Don't tell Aizen.

Then Thing decided to blow it all away. Almost literally. It sneezed loudly and a Cero shot from it fingers and into the wall behind Gin. All three of us look at it.

"Was that a Cero?" I asked, jacking my zanpakuto back before it blew Santa Teresa up.

"I believe it was," Tesla replied.

"He just blew a hole in the wall!" Great observation skills, Gin! Dumbass!

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**I like that last bit. I may b taking this a bit to fast, but wait until I bring in the Espada and they see little Shinkan. Review plz! ^^**


	3. Crackheads

**Ok, now the Espada. How will they react? Will Aizen ever find out about Shinkan? Read and u shall know!**

**Disclaimer: no, I only own Shinkan and whoever else is in there that Kubo Tite did not create.**

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Alright. So after that little episode with Thing blowing up a wall, Gin ran off to do some other activity that I really hope doesn't involve us in any way. Tesla picked up Thing and carried it to the kitchen when he heard its stomach growl.

Do not ask me how, but I got dragged along with them.

All was well in the kitchen. It was only us. Until Fruitcake came in. "Gin tells no tale!" he said with wide eyes on Thing placed on Tesla's waist with a graham cracker in its mouth.

Damn. I knew Gin was up to something.

"Hello, Szayel-san," Tesla greeted him with a smile. Fruitcake is the only one who won't make other's Fraccion call him '-sama'. Except when it involves his brother, but I think that's because he's a Fruitcake and his brother is pretty enough to actually get laid twice a day. Besides, I wouldn't let Tesla call anyone but me '-sama'.

"Hello, Tesla-chan!" Szayel chirped. Why is everyone calling him '-chan' now? "Gin said you two had a love child and I thought I would come and investigate."

Love child? A freaking love child? It's a thing!

"Shinkan is not our love child!" Tesla stuttered with a blush. He actually looks kind of cute when he blushes.

I banged my head on the wall (gaining weird looks) to get rid of the thought.

"Anyway," Tesla drawled out. "Shinkan followed Nnoitra-sama here for some reason."

"Really?" the fruitcake asks like he doesn't believe it. "He has your eyes and Nnoitra's skin and hair."

No he doesn't.

_Yes he does._

Who the fuck are you?

_Your conscious. Who else?_

Whatever. Whoever you are, shut up.

_You're a moron__._

"As true as that may be," Tesla stated (Dude, that was perfectly timed with that voice in my head), "he is not our 'love child' as you and Gin seem so keen to call him."

"He just looks like he is!" Szayel commented with a scoff. "No need to get defensive..." I hate it when this guy pauses. "Unless you and Nnoitra really are fucking like animals and this really is your love child. But if that is the case, then I would need to experiment so I can figure out how you got pregnant."

"Thing is not our love child!" I yelled at Fruitcake. He just stared at me.

"I thought his name was Shinkan," that familiar emotionless voice spoke before we looked to see Emo-car in the doorway. How long was he there?

"His name is Shinkan," Tesla stated. "Nnoitra-sama just wants to call him Thing, but I refuse to call him such."

"It sounds like he attempted to name the child off of a television show," Cuatro commented.

"I said the same thing!"

And I don't care. It is forever called Thing to me.

Cuatro went up to Tesla and took a closer look at Thing. Then his eyes sparkled. They fucking sparkled. Ulquiorra's eyes never sparkle! They are forever empty, cold, and emotionless. Like his voice! You know, if he has a hole in his neck, shouldn't he not be able to talk since he wouldn't have vocal cords? Or am I the only one to ever notice this?

"He is…" Pause. Never heard of Emo-car pausing. Then he jacked Thing from Tesla and held it to his chest. "Adorable!" he squealed.

Thing hit his head. We all paused. Ulquiorra looked down at it and blinked once before crushing Thing to his chest once again with a smile on his face.

I looked out the closest window. Are there any pig Hollows with wings in Hueco Mundo? 'Cuz if there isn't, we need 'em. Badly.

"Gin-sama spoke to me of this child, but he did not mention how utterly adorable and cute he is!" Emo-car stated, holding Thing at arm's length from him. Tesla jacked Thing back.

"Is Gin telling everybody?" I found myself asking out loud with an annoyed sigh.

"Yes," Ulquiorra replied, looking up at me.

Shit, that means he'll tell Aizen and who knows how Gawd would react to Thing being here. Wait a minute…if he says Thing has to go, it has to go. I start laughing evilly under my breath. Even the mad scientist looks at me funny.

"What the fuck is that?!" someone yelled out before we look over to see Sexta staring at Thing in shock.

How many have Gin told and how close are they? Judging from how fast they're appearing, I'm gonna say they are very close to this location. But how did Gin know we were in the kitchen?

…

Right. Security cameras. Why the hell do we have those again, other than for Creepy Grin's personal amusement?

"A child, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra blandly said, as though he wasn't squealing (like that one girl I mentioned last chapter) just a moment ago.

"I know what the thing is!" Sexta exclaimed.

"Finally! Someone besides me calls it a thing!" I yelled out, throwing my hands into the air. I thought I was the only sane one around this place!

Grimmjow looked at me funny, too. "D'uh, it's a thing!" he shouted at me.

"Well everyone seems pretty damn determined to call Thing 'Shinkan' like it's a pet!"

"It's a thing!"

I may hate the guy, but at least he agrees with me on some things.

Unfortunately, Thing started leaking from the eyes again and Tesla hit my head. Everyone froze, even Ulquiorra. I know what they were all expecting.

I slowly turned at him and gave him a warning glare, but he Glared right back at me. I don't know why I was intimidated by this Glare of his. Probably because the first letter in his is capitalized while mine is just 'glare'. Yeah, the probably has a lot to do with it.

But yeah, his Glared at me and I backed off, knowing he was pissed at me because Grimmjow and I made Thing cry. "_Shinkan,_" he emphasized, "is a _child_, Nnoitra and Grimmjow. _NOT A THING!!!!!_"

We both chibified in the farthest corner from him, fearing the wrath of a maternal Tesla. Pissed-Off Tesla was scary enough. He could take down Barragan. I don't want to test the wrath of Maternal Tesla being overprotective of Thing. He could probably kill Gawd!

He picked Thing up with a soft smile on his face and let it bury its face into his shirt. Damn creature of hell. Stealing my Fraccion and making him rebellious against me. I shall kill you, Thing. Oh so slowly and painfully.

"Your Fraccion is scary," Kitty-Cat said to me once we were un-chibified.

"This is why I never gave him anything to get attached to," I retorted.

"You're keeping it?" he asked me incredulously.

Unfortunately…"He is," I grumbled. "It stalked me here, I told Tesla to get rid of it, and all the shit that has happened in this chapter and the past two happened and it's not even a fucking day here yet!"

"Maybe the author just wants to torment you for a full day before skipping around time like a moron," Grimmjow said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Maybe he was right, which would mean flying pigs and the end of the world, along with overpopulation of Soul Society and Hueco Mundo because of all the deaths. Damn you, author of my hell.

_**(^^ U no u luv me Nnoi-kun! **__**^^)**_

No I don't.

"I'm glad you are keeping the child, Tesla-chan," Emo-car commented, taking Thing from my Fraccion once again. "It would be a shame if you were to rid yourself of him. Then again, if you did, I would take him in."

"Hell no," Grimmjow growled at him. "Not letting that thing anywhere near us! We won't have any time for sex if that thing's around us!" Ulquiorra hit his head. Hard. He yelped.

For those of you who are confused, maybe I should clear this up. After the war happened and some (not many) Arrancar and Shinigami calmed down because there wasn't any pressure or anything, a lot of people got together and most of them were either gays or lesbians. Grimmjow got Ulquiorra, and surprisingly, Kitty-cat tops. Why is that a surprise? Because emo-car has a superiority complex. Szayel managed to get Stark, which in itself was a weird coupling. Aizen obviously got Gin, AKA: Creepy Grin. Aaroniero, forever stuck in Kaien Shiba form, got with one of Grimm's Fraccion, the blonde pretty-boy Ilforte.

Contrary to belief, none of the Arrancar died, we just took temporary break. Also, Halibel did not accidentally lose her shirt. She thought he boobs would distract that little short captain guy, which obviously didn't work. I think he was gay or had yet to go through puberty. Or he's secretly a woman with no breast and takes some kind of medication to give her a deep voice like a boy!

Yeah, I think I'll just keep explaining before the author gets in here and starts scolding me, too.

So in the Soul Society, remember that annoying Strawberry? Yeah, he got with the Pineapple while the Quincy that Szayel beat up got with that noble guy. Don't ask me how that happened, but it did. They're both stuck-up bitches anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Creepy Grin's old fukutaichou managed to catch Blind Man's fukutaichou's attention and they've been going out for about a month. Ulquiorra's old charge had been dating the Midget Shinigami for a couple months tomorrow, or so they kept saying whenever I was in the World of the Living and overhear them.

Yeah, a lot of people got together and I only know who got with whom concerning the Shitty-gami because they wouldn't shut up about it or would not bother going to a private place before making out in the World of the Living. Only reason why I know. As for how long, I take wild guesses. Then Emo-car confirms or corrects them. He knows how long couples have been together since he's still 'buddies' with that busty chick he fed and got slapped by. We still won't let him live that down.

"Such inappropriate language around a child, Grimmjow!" Szayel mockingly gasped as he took Thing from Ulquiorra, who was now looking at his empty arms in confusion. I never thought I would see this guy confused. Ever.

Thing drew a question mark in the air again.

Don't tell me this kid doesn't know what 'sex' is.

"We should probably find a way for him to communicate with us," Fruitcake said, playing with thing's hair. "I know! Sign language!"

I know! Don't worry about it since its not staying here!

"It would take too long for him to learn sign language and everyone in Los Noches would have to learn as well so everyone could understand him," Ulquiorra pointed out.

Never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Ulquiorra, for saving me from learning pointless shit.

"So how will we help him communicate?" Tesla asked, grabbing Thing from Fruitcake. Szayel glared at him, but I glared back at the fruitcake and he soon stopped because he knew I was violent, am stronger than him, and will fight for any reason. Glaring at my Fraccion was reason enough in my book and he doesn't fight much.

"How about this?" Szayel asked, pulling out a small blackboard with a full stick of chalk from behind his back.

We all, even Emo-car, looked at him weird. Where the hell was that before? When did he get it? How the hell did he hide it so well? What is he doing with it? We will never know. Unless Gin told him Thing was mute and decided to get a small blackboard for it before hunting Tesla and I down to the kitchen. Does he think that far ahead?

"Shinkan could write down whatever he wants to say and we can just read it!" Fruitcake explained as he handed Thing the blackboard.

Thing took it while Tesla was still holding it and looked at the blackboard with a wide eye. Then it took the stick of chalk and started scribbling on the blackboard before showing us what it wrote. Surprisingly, it had good handwriting. 'Thank you, Uncle Szay-Szay.'

…What…The…Fuck…? Szay-Szay?

Me and Grimmjow burst out laughing. Szayel glared at us for making fun of his new nickname Thing gave him before snatching the creature from Tesla. Ulquiorra watched us laugh at the nickname, totally lost, while Tesla attempted to get Thing back.

Thing hit Szayel on the head with the blackboard, which made the fruitcake drop it before it ran over to Tesla and wrote on the blackboard again. It held it out to Tesla, who read it out loud. "'Can we go find Kazu and the others now? If Kazu can't find me, he gets angry. When Kazu gets angry, even Vasto Lordes hide from him.'"

Shit, do not tell me there are more… Wait, what was that last part?

"There are more of you?" Grimmjow asked. Thing nodded at him.

"Where?" Ulquiorra asked. Did no one hear the 'Vasto Lodes' comment? Not that I'm scared or anything. I'm the most powerful Arrancar there is!!!

_**(Nnoi-kun, you have a huge ego.)**_

Shut up, bitch.

Thing took back the blackboard before erasing and writing on it again then showing everyone. 'Near the place where Nnoi-papa found me,' it read. Shit, it did not just call me 'Nnoi-papa'.

"Nnoi-papa?" Grimmjow snorted, barely keeping his laughter hidden from me. I punched him in the face and he flew to the wall.

Szayel bent down and patted Thing on the head, probably a silent congratulation for making me punch Kitty-Cat. "Well if we get your papa to show us where he found you, then we can find the others," he said.

Thing grinned at him brightly before it fell. It erased the blackboard and wrote again. Very quickly like in a panic. When it was done, it showed us again. 'Kazu's here with the others. They're trying to calm him down. He's heading this way. I think it would be better if the doorway was cleared.'

So we don't have to look for the other creatures? A really pissed off one is heading our way? Okay then.

Wait.

We all turned and looked at the doorway before someone appeared in it with blazing blue eyes and black hair spiked upwards. This the Kazu guy?

"What the fuck are you fucking doing with him?" he growled at us.

Why does that growl sound familiar?

_It sounded like Grimmjow's growls when he activated Pantera._

Yeah, it does. Weird.

_Indeed._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**Okay, end of chapter here and next chapter, more kids along with explanations as to how they got there and finally Aizen gets to know what's going on! So plz review! ^^ **


	4. The Others

**Well that's that and now we get to meet these 'others' and see how Aizen deals with all this. Enjoy! ^^**

**Disclaimer: only the kids popping out of nowhere. Everyone else belong to Kubo Tite.**

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Alright, we are going to recap real quick. I'm looking for a good time in Hueco Mundo (not that kind of 'good time', you perverts!), killing a few Gillians, Adjuchas, and a bunch of Hollows. Once I'm done, Thing finds me, stalks me all the way back to Los Nachos, and Tesla gets attached whenever I told him to get rid of it. Gin finds it, tells everyone, and Fruitcake, Emo-car, and Kitty-Cat come into the kitchen where Tesla, Thing, and I were. Fruitcake gives Thing a blackboard and it tell us one of its friends is pissed off and heading our way. Now there's a kid around the same age as Thing in the doorway, glaring heatedly at all of us.

We all just kind of stood there and stared at him. He GLARED at us, obviously getting more and more pissed at us for whatever reason. Then Thing runs through us and glomps the kid, successfully knocking them both to the floor. It had that bright grin on its face again. The kid just smirked at it and patted its head. "Hey, buddy," he said. Thing grinned at him.

"Who are you?" Fruitcake was the first of us to speak.

Thing still had the blackboard. 'This is Kazuya-kun!' it read.

"Where'd you get that?" the kid asked him.

It erased and wrote again. 'From Uncle Szay-Szay. Guess what! My name's Shinkan! Tes-mama named me.'

It did not just write down 'Tes-mama'.

Obviously, the kid thought it was funny, too. "Tes-mama?!" he laughed out. "Szay-Szay?" Thing hit his head with the board. Watch out for it is now a dangerous weapon in Thing's hands. "Ow. Okay, I deserved that."

"Hey!" Kitty-Cat explained. "If you got a name, then why did Tesla have to name that thing?"

Kid just glared at him. It reminds me of Grimmjow's glares, only with Ulquiorra's green eyes. What the fuck?

"We chose our names, but since Shinkan can't talk, we just called him whatever we wanted," Kid explained in boredom. His voice was a monotone for that. Am I the only one noticing this shit?

_Why is it that you can notice stuff like that when it concerns one kid, but you can't for Shinkan?_

_Thing_ doesn't have anything in common with any of us.

_Tesla's eyes along with your skin and hair? Nothing in common with any of you? Are you in denial, crazed owner of this body?_

No. Nothing in common with any of us. Why is it even calling me 'dad' and Tesla 'mom'?!

_I would give you another answer, but you would just go on and on about random crap so let's try this: Because life is royally fucked up? _

That it is.

"How many of you are there?" Emo-car asked this time.

"Let's see," Kid sighed, sticking out his fingers one by one a he named. "Me, Shinkan, Kyosuke, Tic-Tac (don't ask), Maria, Ray, Minato, and Ali. So about eight of us. Minato, Ali, and Ray all went to Seireitei, I think."

"Why is Shinkan calling me his mother and Nnoitra his father?" Tesla asked.

Kid shrugged. "It's in our subconscious as to who our parents are, Kazuya. How many times do I have to explain it?" a bored and tired voice stated before three others showed up in the doorway. One had brown hair with tired gold eyes that strangely reminded me of Fruitcake's. Next to him was a girl with long silver hair tied in a ponytail at the nape of her neck and closed eyes. Her grin, though, reminded me of Gin. Scary. To the guy's other side was another girl, this one with blonde hair and brown eyes, just smiling at us. Why did her smile freak me out?

Thing jumped up and hugged them around their necks before jumping back onto Kid. Why do I get the sudden urge to rip the two apart from each other and lock Thing away where no one (especially Kid) but Tesla and I can get to him?

…

Did I just say him? I meant it! It! IT!!!

_You're getting attached! ^^ LOL!!!!_

Shut up, Aizen-damn it!

"Hey, guys," Kid greeted.

She-Gin just grinned more and skipped over to Kid and Thing before flicking Kid on the forehead. It looked soft, but it threw him to the other side of the kitchen. I'm staying away from She-Gin. "Kazu!" she playfully (I think) scolded. "You weren't supposed to run off!"

"Shut it, Tic-Tac!" Kid yelled at her.

Now the Tic-Tac name makes sense. If this is a mini female version of Gin, of course she is as crazy as Gin. Meaning she would be crazy in naming herself. She-Gin only tilted her head to the side.

Fruitcake went over to the tired-looking one leaning against the counter, Mini-Lazy. That should be his name. "What do you mean by subconsciously knowing who your parents are?" he asked.

Mini-Lazy looked up at him. I think Fruitcake noticed the eye resemblance, judging from his own wide pair. Mini-Lazy yawned (kind of like Stark does). "I have a theory," he said, scratching the back of his head. "We were created from particles of your reiatsu because of the Winter War and it took some time before we gathered our pieces together. We all showed up here in Hueco Mundo and gave ourselves names, but something told us to find someone. We figured our parents and subconsciously know who and where our parents are, if Shinkan's labeling of Tesla and Nnoitra has anything to do with it."

How did he know our names?

"If it is a theory, then I propose we test it," Szayel stated.

"I agree," Mini-Lazy yawned again.

"See, he's the smart one," Kid commented. That is very easy to believe.

Then voila! There's Gin, popping out of nowhere again, but this time holding onto She-Gin. "She's so cute!" he squealed.

"Daddy!" She-Gin squealed back, arms around his neck. Strangle him! You'll be my favorite if you do! Come on, don't pass this up!

"She called me Daddy!" Gin squealed once again, rubbing his head against hers. Yeah. Easy resemblance. If looks aren't something to go by, then the squealing is. My ears now forever bleed.

"Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla exclaimed. "You're ears are bleeding!"

What? Thought I was lying, didn't ya? Newsflash, I'm not.

"It's the squealing," I muttered, going over to sit in a random chair.

Thing came over and crawled into my lap. Then Scary-Girl went squealing, too, from her spot in the chair next to me. "That's so cute! He likes you!"

I shoved Thing off. He pouted before tears started pouring down his face. Then Kid was in my face with what looked like Kitty-Cat's sword at my throat. Grimm seemed to notice, too, and then saw his zanpakuto was missing.

Yeah, dumbass! They jack our swords!

"Try that again, I dare you," Kid growled at me before Ulquiorra pulled him off of me, took Pantera from him and handed the sword back to Grimmjow. "Let me down!" Kid fussed. "I gotta kill him! No one makes Cy-Cy cry! No one! No one! NO ONE!!!!!"

Cy-Cy?

"Cy-Cy?" Tesla repeated. Is he reading my mind?

"His nickname for Cyclops," Scary-Girl replied with that scary smile. "It's what we called him since he only has one eye!"

…Is she for real?

Thing moved his hair to show that he did indeed have an eye missing. In it's place was a hole. A Hollow's hole where his eye should be. Damn, if it wasn't for the eye color, he would be Mini Me.

Then that would make me Doctor Evil with my own personal Mini Me!

"And you say Shinkan isn't your love child with Tesla," Szayel and Gin simultaneously tease. I hate them both. Actually, I hate everyone but Tesla. As if it wasn't obvious enough. Yes, I even hate Gawd.

Who wouldn't? Seriously, the guy is crazy and we're all surprised we even won the Winter War at all. Not to mention he makes everyone drink his tea that taste like shit and piss all in liquefied form, he is annoying everyone when he brushed that stubborn strand of hair over his face even though he _knows_ it will fall back down, and he always steals the last piece of chocolate and makes whoever is closest to him to get some more! I had to do it five times!

Yeah, I hate that guy.

"So if you can subconsciously know who your parents are, then who are your parents?" Fruitcake asked Mini-Lazy, who pointed at him and then muttered 'Stark is Pops' under his breath before he fell down in a dead sleep. I can believe him being Stark's kid. Szayel flipped out, which is funny to watch.

"Kyosuke just does that!" Scary-Girl commented. "I'm Maria, by the way! My Daddy is Aaroniero and my papa is Ilforte!"

How the fuck do they know our names? Or is that subconscious, too?

"Oh, fuck no!" Grimmjow yelled out loudly. "Ilforte don't have no damn kid!"

"Grimmjow," Emo-car sighed. "You used a double negative, meaning that you just said Ilforte does have a child."

"Huh?"

Scary-Girl stuck her tongue out at him before Kid grabbed it and shoved her back some. "Don't think mi padre will take that very well," he said with a smirk. Wait? His padre is Grimmjow? Seemed to have donned on him, too. Ulquiorra had one hell of a blush on him. Never thought I would see this day.

Gin and She-Gin stopped rubbing heads long enough to snap a quick picture of the red Emo-car before rubbing heads together again like they did nothing.

Yeah, right, I saw you two.

"Are you my and Sou-kun's little love daughter?" he asked in a squealing voice.

What's with him and the love-child comments? And the squealing?!

"Yep!" She-Gin cheered. "Daddy got it!"

As far as I know, only Shinkan has that whole 'call the submissive 'mother'' deal going on. Not that Tesla is my submissive, he's just my Fraccion. Yeah. I don't day-dream about him begging me to fuck him. Nope. None at all. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

_Liar._

Shut up, stupid voice!

"I'm a Daddy!" Gin squealed. My ears now gush blood. Tesla tries to put a rag to my ear to stop the blood flow, but I push him away and tell him to knock it off.

"Hey, 'Daddy'," Grimmjow mocked. "Stop squealing, will ya? At least before we all died of blood loss." His ears were beginning to bleed, too. Anyone else got busted eardrums? I looked around. Nope.

"But…but I'm so happy I'm a daddy," Creepy Grin has now gone to a pout with She-Gin pouting as well, neither letting go of the other.

"Hey, Padre, shut up," Kid snorts. "Tic-Tac ain't letting go and something tells me he ain't letting go, either." Grimmjow glared at Kid for telling him to shut up.

"So if I'm your Padre, then what is Ulquiorra to you?" Kitty-Cat asked him.

"Papi," Kid replied with a shrug. "We just come up with names on the spot." Again, Ulquiorra turned red. Twice in one day. Damn, these guys are on a roll for making us do shit we normally don't do. Or at least, they are with Emo-car.

"Gin?" Gawd's voice drifted into the room before he showed up in the doorway next. "Tousen said you would be in here."

Then he froze and saw all the new faces. Tell them to leave, Gawd. I'll drink a year's worth of your tea if you just make them go away!

…

Damn, I am desperate.

He blinked once, then twice, then thrice, and finally a fourth time! "May I ask where all these delightful children came from?" he asked with a sparkling smile.

Shit. Everyone's against Nnoitra today. "Father!" She-Gin chirped, finally letting go of Gin only to stretch her hands over to Aizen.

Aizen blinked at her then looked at Gin, who was grinning like he always does. "Gin!" he exclaimed. "You somehow got pregnant and never told me of our daughter? How long have you been hiding her?! How did you hide your pregnancy?!"

He acts like a man getting pregnant is a daily thing.

_**(In the world of fanfiction, it is! ^^ There are no rules in fanfiction!)**_

Hey, author! Shut the hell up! No one wants to hear your shit!

_**(Nnoi-kun's being mean to me. –Emo in the corner-)**_

Wow. I gotta remember how to get rid of the author more often.

"I never got pregnant, Sou-kun," Gin stated, now frowning slightly. "Even if I did, do you honestly think I would hide it from you?"

"Gin, knowing how you think, yes," Aizen replied. She-Gin gasped before Gawd got slapped in the face by his boyfriend. We all froze, even Mr. Attitude, Kid. Hell, even Grimmjow and I froze! We would normally laugh at this shit!

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing!" Gin yelled at him before grabbing She-Gin and running from the room.

I give him five seconds before he comes running back.

Barely a second later, a white blur attached itself to Aizen's arm and Gin's silver head started to rub against Gawd's white jacket. "I'm sorry, Sousuke-kun!" he cried out. "I didn't mean to slap you! I don't know what came over me! Please forgive me!"

And only two seconds have passed.

She-Gin was at Gawd's other arm, tugging on his sleeve. "Please don't be mad at Daddy," she said with wide red and watery eyes, pouting that hurt puppy face that I would normally slice off of anyone's face. "He didn't hide anything from you, Father. Don't be mad at Daddy."

Never thought I'd see Aizen crumble, but he did.

Like a dry cookie.

Like a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY dry cookie.

He scooped She-Gin up in one arm and hugged Creepy Grin with the other. "I'm not mad!" he exclaimed. "But I am confused." Yeah, he looked confused. We all are.

Mini-Lazy woke up again. "So much trouble just to repeat myself again?" he asked with another Stark yawn. "Your particles left over from the Winter War created us and we were put together in Hueco Mundo. We subconsciously know who our parents are because their reiatsu created us. Along with their reiatsu, we also got some needed information such as names, rank, and so on, so forth." He fell back down into a dead sleep. Szayel picked him up.

Aizen stared at him. "So who belongs to who?" he asked.

"I belong to you and Gin-Daddy!" She-Gin exclaimed. The whole 'Gin-Daddy' thing sounded so wrong.

"This is Kyosuke and he belongs to Stark and I," Fruitcake stated before gasping and then letting out a low squeal. Mini-Lazy cracked an eye open for a faint glare before closing it again. "I should tell Stark!" Thus Szayel and his brat disappeared from the kitchen.

We all just stared. "And the others?" Aizen broke the silence.

"I'm Maria!" Scary-Girl chirped. "I'm Aaroniero and Ilforte's daughter! I should go find them!"

"Don't walk into their room without-" Kitty-Cat started, but Scary-Girl was gone. "Knocking. Kid will be scarred for life if she walks in without letting them know someone's about to come in."

"Indeed," Ulquiorra replied, running his pale fingers through Kid's black hair. Kid actually purred and pushed his head against Emo-car's hand. "That is simply…adorable!" He picked Kid up and cuddled him to his chest, fingers still running through the hair. Kid continued purring, now rubbing against Ulquiorra's chest. Grimm stayed silent, which is probably a good thing at this point.

"I take it that one is yours, Ulquiorra?" Aizen asked.

Ulquiorra nodded frantically, which scared Gawd for a moment since none of us ever saw Ulquiorra act like this.

"Then that one is…?" He looked at Thing, who was standing by Tesla.

Thing wrote on the blackboard and then held it up for Aizen to read. 'Hi! I'm Shinkan! I'm a mute, but my papa is Nnoitra and my mama is Tesla!'

I groaned and snatched the board from Thing before glaring at him. Then Tesla took the board from me and hit me on the head with it before giving it back to Thing. I never won today. Hell, Gawd seemed surprised I didn't punish Tesla for that act of disobedience!

"No glaring at him!" Tesla yelled at me.

I backed away with me hands up in surrender. "I do not glare at Thing," I said, hoping to calm him down. He huffed in satisfaction (ignoring the name I gave Thing) before picking Thing up and leaving the kitchen.

"Dude, Nnoitra, what's the matter with you?" Grimmjow asked me in disbelief.

"Hey, Grimm," I replied. "You wanna know something? When Tesla gets attached to something and someone threatens to take that something from him, he gets pissed and scary. I don't want to deal with a pissed off Maternal Tesla! He could probably take down Aizen!"

"I doubt that," Gawd commented.

"Dude, you don't know Tesla," I told him.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**Okay, so that is that. Hope this was a bit humorous, then again, I have no humor to put into stories. It's just easy to make me laugh, but I thought this was funny. So review!**


	5. Pancakes

**Okay, now we do a time skip. So here it is and enjoy! Also review when done reading. They make me happy and happy UB means more updating.**

**Disclaimer: only the kids popping out of nowhere. Everyone else belong to Kubo Tite. Also, I do not own other things that are in this chapter (u will c what I mean), only the craziness.**

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Well, so far, things have been as close to normal as they can get around here since Thing and his buddies showed up, which was about three days ago. The only abnormal things happening were Aizen getting his tea shot into his face thanks to She-Gin spitting it at him and saying how disgusting it was.

Automatic favorite. Okay? Automatic favorite. And I don't want to hear shit about Thing being my kid and that it should be my favorite. It isn't. Alright? Don't want to hear it!

After that, Ulquiorra got more and more out of character. Kid always acted as a tough guy around Kitty-cat, but around Emo-car, he could get that guy to do anything. He actually went running around the kitchen in an apron cooking breakfast for the kids. A pink frilly apron. As soon as he was done, Grimmjow kidnapped him and they weren't seen for a few hours. When we saw them again, Kid kept commenting about them smelling like sex, which started Ulquiorra walking around red all day because he thought everyone could smell it, no matter how many times he jumped into the shower.

I think his skin got paler from all that showering. It's impossible, but I truly think it did!

Aaroniero and Ilforte's reaction to Scary-Girl was average. Ilforte kept commenting about how beautiful she was and was already trying to get her into 'pretty' (his words, not mine) dresses while Aaroniero attempted slicing her up because he thought she was an agent from Soul Society sent out to kill him for taken on Kaien Shiba's form. It was kind of funny when Ilforte stole the guy's zanpakuto and hit him on the head with it before taking Scary-Girl to the World of the Living to buy more dresses for her with Gin and She-Gin.

Stark, when told by Fruitcake about Mini-Lazy, just went with the flow. He's cool, man. He has my respect. Any kind of weird as hell shit can happen to him and he just goes with the flow. Nothing bothers this guy. Now with Szayel, that was kind of funny because apparently, Mini-Lazy is just as smart, if not smarter, than Szayel. The two were always competing over who could make the best mixture until one day they both blew up Szayel's lab. Don't ask me how, they just did. And again, Stark just went with the flow of the crazy universe.

Now Tesla has been driving me insane about Thing. He no longer wants to spar, Thing comes before me, and he's spoiling it to no end. You know, I woke up this morning with Thing curled up into my back. Most would think that was cute. But as always, I shove him off. I swear, Tesla has something in his head that says when Thing's being tormented by either me or Grimmjow. He came running out of his damn room and hit me on the head with his zanpakuto sheathe and screamed at me to never shove or hurt 'Shinkan' again.

So just to get away from the craziness for a while, I dropped into the World of the Living and am currently running around in a gigai that Hat-and-Clogs Shinigami made for me. He actually made one for each Espada and their Fraccion.

I never understand that guy. No one will. He's like another Gin, but makes more sense sometimes and can act serious when he wants.

"What the hell are you doing here?" someone asked me before I lazily looked over to see every Shitty-gami's fave Strawberry.

"What's it look like?" I asked in return. "What do you want?"

"Dumbass, you're the one here in my world," he pointed out.

If anyone is curious, remember what I said a couple chapters ago about Hueco Mundo being at peace with Seireitei as long as no one started the fights? Yeah, that's why we're talking civilized.

Go ahead and scream about it being Armageddon because I'm talking civilized with a Shinigami when I would rather kill them.

"Escaping, alright?" I snorted before noticing something behind Strawberry-boy. Another damn brat, but this one had spiky red hair with orange mixed in. Dude, his head looks like it's on fire. He also had the same eyes as Strawberry here. "What is that?"

Shitty-gami Strawberry looked down to where I was looking. "Oh, this is Ray," he replied. "Just showed up about three days ago saying he's mine and Renji's kid created from our reiatsu particles left over from the war. Uryu and Byakuya got a kid named Minato and Yumichika and Ikkaku got a little girl named Ali. She's a crazy little warrior with an obsession about how pretty she is. Minato's as prissy as any noble possible."

"Does it never end?!?!?!" I suddenly yelled out, making both jump.

"What is the matter with you?" Flame-Head asked in confusion.

"There's five of you little brats in Hueco Mundo and one of them is totally ruining my life!" I said, shouting at the end.

He blinked a couple times before sighing with a shake of his head. "Oh, you mean Cyclops, Kazuya, Kyosuke, Tic-Tac, and Maria. Right?"

"Thing, Kid, Mini-Lazy, She-Gin, and Scary-Girl," I corrected.

"Your own nicknames for them?" Strawberry asked me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Those are their names as far as I am concerned!" I snapped at him.

"Which one's ruining your life?"

"Thing."

"Cyclops, right?" Flame-Head asked.

"Thing," I corrected. "Tesla calls it Shinkan. Dude, you should have seen Gawd's reaction to She-Gin. He thought Gin got pregnant at some point in some weird way and accused him of hiding her from him. It was weird, man. Especially when the author's voice came out of nowhere and said that in the world of fanfiction, mpreg is possible."

"Sounds weird," Shitty-gami agrees. "Hope there's no mpregs about me out there in the fanfiction world. So what are you doing here?"

"Tesla has maternal instincts and hit me on the head with his zanpakuto sheathe and yelled at me," I muttered. "So I decided to get away. Maternal Tesla is definitely scarier than Overprotective Tesla. I swear he has different personalities."

"Sounds scary," Flame-Head muttered under his breath. "Yo, dad. I'm gonna go look for Pops, alright? Be back later."

With that said, he ran off and Strawberry sighed heavily before dropping himself next to me on the bench. "Wanna just fight?" he asked me.

"As fun as that sounds, I'm not in the mood," I said.

He fell off the bench, which was all part of my plan of self-amusement. "What?!" he shrieked.

He can shriek? Damn, no wonder he's the underdog.

"You?! Nnoitra Jiruga?! Not wanting to fight?! That's like hearing Grimmjow turned into a woman!"

"He did." I couldn't resist.

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"Dude, I was joking. And with these reactions, one would think you has a crush on the Kitty-cat," I teased before he threw a punch my way. I dodged it.

Everyone knew he had a crush on Kitty-cat at one point or another, except of course, the idiotic Sexta Kitty-cat. He also didn't know that everyone else knew as well. He never found out, though, and Strawberry eventually stayed within his own food group and got with the Pineapple.

Wait, are strawberries and pineapples in the same food group?

_**(Don't ask me.)**_

I wasn't.

_Well don't ask me either._

I wasn't. Now shut up and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!

"Hey, ain't that the 'two heads in a jar' guy?" Strawberry suddenly asked before I looked over.

Low and behold, there is Aaroniero with Scary-Girl by his side! I can actually see similarities. "Yeah," I replied.

"Another one of the kids that showed up in Hueco Mundo with him?"

"Yep."

"Who's she?"

"Scary-Girl."

He rolled his eyes. "Actually name."

"I think she said it was Maria, but she is forever Scary-Girl to me."

"You scared of her?"

"No!" I scoffed. "But she grins like Aaroniero."

"That's scary."

"Yeah."

"PANCAKES!!!!!!!!" someone suddenly yelled out before Scary-Girl took off in a hellova Sonido to where Flame-Head's scream came from.

"Where'd she go?" Strawberry asked as I waved Aaroniero over.

"Not a clue, but maybe Waldo will know," Aaroniero said, looking at a guy with brown hair and glasses wearing a red and white striped long-sleeve shirt and jeans.

…

Where'd he come from?

"Pancakes House!" Waldo exclaimed before fading from view.

No, he literally faded. Like 'went transparent and then disappeared from view' faded.

"Oh, shit," Strawberry groaned.

"What?" Aaroniero (Have I ever come up with a nickname for this guy?) and I asked.

"Ray warned me about Maria and pancakes before," he replied. "Chaos will ensue."

How did he warn Strawberry? Oh, right. The brats disappear sometimes and return saying they were visiting other brats. Gawd, please don't bring in more brats.

Wait? Chaos will ensue?

Well, that just made my day better. Both I and Aaroniero Sonidoed to the pancake house to watch this 'ensuing chaos'. Strawberry showed up two seconds after. Some dude was across the street blasting 'Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting', which was exactly what was going on.

There was Flame-Head holding a plate with a tower of pancakes in one hand while fighting off Scary-Girl, who was trying to reach it. They were Kung-Fucking-Fu fighting! The entire time, Scary-Girl's screaming 'Pancakes' and moving around like that kid from that movie Cabin Fever. All she needs is pale blonde hair and no chest and she could be his replica.

Their fight went on for about ten minutes before Scary-Girl screamed "PANCAKES!!!!!!" one final time and tackled Flame-Head to the ground, hitting his head against the floor as the pancakes went flying every direction possible. Then she became a possessed demon and started crawling all overt he floor, walls, and ceiling to get to the pancakes. Yes, I said walls and ceiling. She is a possessed child!

"Aaroniero, you're kid is fucked up," I commented.

"Maybe she's an escaped experiment from Seireitei sent to mess things up for me in the name of revenge for taking this form…" was all he said before he started muttering lowly under his breath.

He's fucked up, so I guess her being fucked up matches her being his kid. Now how she's Ilforte's kid, I can't see it.

All the pancakes were gone and then she straightened herself up to make herself look perfectly normal, despite the fact that she was just demonically possessed in front of a bunch of humans that were pressing themselves against the walls or were hiding under the tables. She smirked slightly at Flame-Head and left the room.

"Do I still look pretty?" she asked Aaroniero.

Now I can see how she's Ilforte's!

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Well around late afternoon, I finally went back to Los Nachos to find Tesla cooking something with Emo-car while Kid and Thing were sitting at the table messing around with something that looked like a collar. "What is that?" I asked before four pairs of eyes were on me.

"Something Kyosuke made up for Shinkan," Tesla answered me. "It's supposed to work as his voice, if I remember correctly."

"Kyo said that Cyclops here had pieces of a voice box, enough to make a low hum or something," Kid explained. "This thing reads the vibrations from those pieces that make a hum to say whatever he's trying to say. It works, but we're trying to find the damn volume on this thing."

Thing grabbed it from the table before flipping it over and messing with something on the back. With a small smirk, he tied it around his neck. "I found it!"

Us four blink at him. His mouth didn't move, but he spoke.

Where's that Mini-Lazy? I gotta kill him now.

"Where were you all day, Nnoitra?" Ulquiorra asked, snapping out of his shock first.

"Following Aaroniero and Scary-Girl around while she hunted down Pancake and Waffle houses," I blankly replied before grinning a shit-eating grin. "Total, utter chaos!"

"Maria and pancakes?" Kid muttered under his breath before shivering. "Demonically possessed child. Demonically possessed child." Thing grabbed onto him and I resisted and ignored the urge to rip them apart and lock Thing in either my or Tesla's room so Kid can't get to him. I've been getting that urge a lot.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**So not the longest chapter I've made but I think it's the funniest. Next chapter: what will Nnoitra have to deal with next? Overprotective Bats and Cranky Panthers and Crazy Women? Oh my! Review! ^^**


End file.
